At the time of writing this we are just weeks away from the start of the NFL’s regular season. Jesus it sure seems like a long time since it was here. I guess that is what happens when your O-Line couldn’t stop a handicapped sloth from entering the backfield and getting to the quarterback. Couple that with a quarterback that was thrown into a bad situation. Jacoby Brissett was basically drawing plays in the dirt trying to make up for the coaching inadequacies on both sides of the ball and at the top. Enough lamenting the sucktitutde, that was last season. On to the new one.
There are many reasons to be excited about the upcoming season; a great draft, good returning players, a new competent coach, the return of a premier quarterback and a GM that can actually spell N-F-L without looking at cue cards. I shouldn’t be so harsh on Ryan Grigson. I should be worse. A chimpanzee smearing poo on a canvas has a better understanding of how to run a football team than does that man. I wouldn’t trust him with my dry cleaning, let alone my franchise. Good luck Seattle. I hope you didn’t give him keys to the building.
There is so much upside to this season it is staggering. Andrew IS coming back, the GM has fixed the O-line debacle and we have a coach that can fog a mirror. The Colts have played things pretty close to the vest during the off season. The only thing they are not hiding is their desire to win and get back in the playoffs. I have been scrounging for information regarding the Colts, but it has been fairly hard to come across. I came to the realization that I had to develop an alternative means of gathering information. My normal connections were just giving me “fluff” pieces. It was after a hard night of drinking, eh I meant thinking that I had come up with an idea. I would drive an Uber and pick up the players and coaches and just chat them up as a friendly Uber driver. Pure brilliance in the making!
Uber Day One: Practice is over, and I am parked close to the facility to catch any rides. Pinged and it looks like it is David Thornton! He’ll know something. Good evening, sir, I am your unassuming anonymous Uber driver this evening. “Oh, hey Eric, I didn’t know you drove for Uber.” CRAP! Strike one. First guy I get recognizes me immediately. By this way I don’t know if it was because he knew me, but David Thornton is a really good tipper. Gonna have to rethink this since a lot of these guys know me. Time to don a disguise.
Day Two Uber: Oh man this dude looks like one of the coaches. He has a huge binder in his hands. It is! It’s Nick Sirianni, the offensive coordinator. This should be good. Gooda evenina sira. I’ma being youe Ubers driver tonightza. Howz go youz? “Man this is a really cool Colts Mustang. I’ve seen this before. Aren’t you in the Blue Crew?” DAMMIT!!!
Okay maybe that wasn’t my best attempt at getting some inside information. I guess I am just going to have to stick with bribery, dumb luck and guesswork just like all of the other sports writers out there. From my somewhat professional prospective, it looks like Andrew is back and we actually have a line that could bust their way out of a paper bag. Luck’s balls (tehe) have been crisp and looked really good. Again, tehe. With Coach Reich, the new coordinators, the new players, returning players and of course Andrew, there is every reason to optimistic about the 2018 season. Rumor has it Luck is going to play most of the first quarter in the pre-season opener. I bet there is going to be countless fans holding their breath the first time Andrew gets taken to the ground. I read somewhere that all of the bars and liquor carts in Lucas Oil Stadium are going to be offering special Prozac and Zoloft-based cocktails in honor of Andrew’s return to football this season. Hopefully there won’t be many games featuring the specialty drinks and we can all get back to our normal ten-dollar domestic beers. Bring on the season already!
So sayeth the Meanie